Posted by Vishva News Reporter on June 2, 2006



DHARm = life obligations and duties
that a father has to follow in
raising, nurturing his child and
loving and being a friend
from conception to death
which ever comes first to father or child....

Simplistically put, a father must provide all that is necessary to his child so that the child can walk his own life path in a life journey. But in this a father must impart all the knowledge that the child requires to walk his own path in a life journey based on the sciences of creation and life which is called vED.

And as DHARm which is set of universal rules and regulations that empowers all creations to co-exist harmoniously and without causing pain and suffering either to oneself or others, a father must teach the rules and regulations of DHARm to his child.

The above father-child relationship is so fundamental and necessary for maintaining creation, its sustenance and its cyclic recreation of life . It is so vital that if a father does not impart to his child the above noted knowledge of vED and DHARm to his child then as per kARm theory, the father is deemed to have committed paap (sin).

And this father will receive the paapi-kARm-fl (fruit of his paapi kARm) in a nrk (hell) specially ordained for this paap in the total of 30 kror (300 million) nrk created by Creator bRH`m in paataal-lok (the last of the descending 14-lok (domains of existence) in any bRH`maaNd (universe). The top most of the 14-lok is the domain where pRjaapti bRH`maa, the physical creator of all that exists in a bRH`maaNd as per the wish of Creator bRH`m .

(This knowledge in this column was shared by SHRii Champaklal Dajibhai Mistry of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada from his vED library with a prayer that with this knowledge about how to live your daily life YOU will have a HAPPIER TOMORROW THAN TODAY....) 

My heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the sky;
So was it when my life began;
So it is now I am a man;
So be it when I shall grow old,
Or let me die!

The Child is father of the Man;
And I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety.

William Wordsworth

"It is a wise father that knows his own child."
- William Shakespeare

"The greatest gift I ever had Came from God,
and I call him Dad!"
- Anonymous


Breaking the mould

Your dad's a super guy, but don't you want to be your own person? Here are tips from Stephan Poulter, author of The Father Factor: How Your Father's Legacy Impacts your Career, for breaking patterns that are blocking you from achieving your potential:

Know your father factor.

Review ways in which you are perpetuating your father's emotional style and beliefs.

Ask for forgiveness.

Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself that you forgive your father.

Commit to change.

List five goals for your career and five behaviours that could sabotage them. Make a commitment to not let them keep you from reaching the goals.

Monitor your behaviour.

Keep a journal of your negative emotions and reactions.

Identify your triggers.

Use the journal to identify what situations set off negative thoughts or behaviour.

Get a support system.

Discuss your own father factor influences and how to overcome them with a friend, spouse or mentor.

Stay committed.

Don't allow mistakes or setbacks to derail your commitment to change.

Keep track of your progress

Review your journal regularly to see how your negative behaviours are decreasing. Compare your impressions with those in your support team.

Make relationships a priority

Developing understanding and empathy for others at work will win respect for you.

Become a mentor to others.

Emulate the compassionate mentor father pattern to others in your workplace. You will help others do better by supporting them and they will look up to you because they feel such support.

Please continue to read more and details of the above summary of father-son relationship from a western culture perspective by  clicking on the line outside this box on this knowledge spreading PVAF web site which has presented this news item for YOUR happier father-child relationship in days to come.......




Daddy dearest:
Your legacy lives on in me at work.

The kind of father you have
can create lasting roadblocks
on your career path.....

Canadian Globe and Mail: STEPHAN POULTER tells WALLACE IMMEN: Friday, June 2, 2006

Oh dad, dear dad, you've screwed up my career and I'm feeling so bad.

That's probably not the kind of sentiment you'd want to put on a Father's Day card. But the old man's example can continue to create roadblocks on your career path even years after you've left the nest, says Los Angeles-based psychologist Stephan Poulter, author of The Father Factor: How Your Father's Legacy Impacts Your Career.

"We are all children, regardless of our age," Mr. Poulter says.

The family is the first organization we experience. And no matter how wonderful your relationship with your dad is, the attitudes and emotional baggage you pick up from him can create doubts, anger, shame or negative expectations that affect your attitude and style of dealing with co-workers and bosses, and leave lasting scars that can limit your career, he says.

Over 20 years of counselling both men and women who feel blocked and unhappy in their careers, Mr. Poulter says he's found there are five distinct fathering types. And each creates its own issues that must be confronted if you are to take full control of your career.


These dads are high performers, who tend to become successful executives and entrepreneurs. Ten to 15 per cent of families are headed by one of these go-getters who expect their kids to follow their lead and excel at everything they do.

However, superachievers fail to accept that anyone can do anything better than they do. And that conditions their children to believe that, no matter what they do, it is never enough, Mr. Poulter says.

All too often, he adds, this creates feelings of shame and unworthiness that lead children to rebel and become underachievers.

To overcome such an effect, "you have to get beyond that by getting to the realization that you are enough, that you are capable and can do whatever you really want to do," Mr. Poulter says.

He recommends writing out a list of situations, such as when you face criticism or make a mistake, that trigger negative emotional responses and can magnify worries that small things are catastrophes.

"It is a process of stopping the wave before it hits you," he says. That will rewire your thinking and make you more self-confident.

Time bombs

These fathers are volatile and unpredictable, often because of underlying depression or addictive personalities that make them prone to drinking or gambling. "One day they may be understanding and approachable, but the next they may be screaming and throwing things around the room."

Ten to 15 per cent of fathers fit this description, Mr. Poulter finds.

Such outbursts make children anxious and they develop great people-pleasing skills to appease an angry dad. While their ability to read people and keep the peace are positives for a career, the pattern also makes people afraid to confront problematic co-workers or raise divisive issues.

"That gets in the way of career development because they fear change and avoid risks," he says.

Children of time bombs must consciously confront their instinct to stay quiet or avoid situations that make them feel anxious or stressed.

Passive parents

By far the most common type, as many as half of all dads fit this pattern of person, who has difficulty expressing emotion and so leaves the nurturing and encouragement of the kids to their partner, Mr. Poulter says.

The passive types are certainly great dads -- even-tempered, hard workers and great providers. But their children, particularly sons, don't learn to express themselves emotionally, Mr. Poulter says. They tend to become followers and seldom aspire to leadership or initiatives that would take them to the next level, he adds.

To get out from the shadow of a passive dad requires creating a different mental picture of yourself, he advises. Think in terms of potential rather than just accepting your present role, and focus on success rather than the possibility of failure.


Absent fathers

In 10 per cent to 15 per cent of families, the father is missing, either because of a marital split or because he is so wrapped up in work, he is literally never available. This creates problems that are among the hardest to solve, Mr. Poulter says

"Their sons and daughters may become overachievers to try to become the father they never had."

But typically, they also develop anger and resentment over being abandoned, which gets dragged into the workplace as feelings that they are not getting a fair shake or that no one cares about them.

"If they become managers, they can become extremely demanding and unsympathetic," Mr. Poulter says.

Children of absent fathers are generally independent, responsible and emotional people who can be wonderful to know but, all too often, they have a sensitivity and prickliness that makes people unsure of how to deal with them. This and the fact they may resent working for male bosses limits their potential for advancement.

Recovery for them requires letting go of resentment they feel about abandonment, neglect and rejection, Mr. Poulter says.

This can require the help of a professional, close friend or colleague or family member. After identifying the hot spots, he says it is important to work on managing anger and communicating with co-workers.

Compassionate mentors

If you haven't seen your father's type so far, you are one of the lucky few whose dad gave you the best grounding for career success, Mr. Poulter says. Compassionate mentors are ideal role models, but represent just about 10 per cent of all dads, he estimates.

Such fathers are continually involved in their children's lives without meddling. They are encouraging and available when needed to offer wise counsel, but accepting enough to let their kids develop their own vision of their lives.

This type of support develops courageous and empathetic children who feel competent and eager to take on challenges that will get them to new levels in their careers, Mr. Poulter says.

Everyone should aspire to get beyond their own father factor and emulate the compassionate mentor in their own career, he says. To be able to do that, you need to let your old man off the hook and take control of your own career destiny.

How to get there? "You have to say quite literally: 'I forgive you.' "

You could do this face to face with your father if he is still alive, but so many long-held emotions are involved that he might not understand, Mr. Poulter says. For that reason, he recommends doing it privately in front of a mirror.

Make a list of at least three things you have avoided discussing. It may be about family fights, his being overcritical or not being there when you needed him, but read them out loud and say "I forgive you," after each, he recommends.

"Regardless of your religious or non-religious beliefs, forgiveness is a universal truth that is recognized to transform thinking. Let him off the hook. You can't really enter adulthood until you do."

As an added step, Mr. Poulter suggests forgiving yourself for holding grudges, resentments and disappointments.

"It all sounds so simplistic but unless you take responsibility for your own life, you will never really be an adult and you'll never know what you could be achieving in your career.

"All these legacies can be rewritten and it's never too late," Mr. Poulter adds.

"You just have to decide that your father isn't even remotely responsible for your life and your career now. It's all yours."

The Globe and Mail. Republished with permission. All Rights Reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced or republished or redistributed without the prior written consent of the copyright holder.


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