|SHYNESS....A LOT OF FAMOUS PEOPLE ARE SHY...But encouragement and treatment can blossom shy people to live full life and even to become famous.....|
Posted by Vishva News Reporter on October 12, 2006
the ones where your heart races,
your body temperature rises
it feels like your stomach
has dropped down to your feet
This is the second articles on the topic of
SHYNESS being published by this
knowledge-sharing PVAF web site for
alleviating poverty in humanity
through knowledge and education.
You can access the first article by clicking
REAL LIFE STATISTICS ABOUT SHY PEOPLE IN USA:
The shy people of the world are the true
More than half of the adults in the United
States and many other countries have struggled with shyness in one area of
their life or another including
Examples of famous shy people:
Barbara Walters, TV News maker
Johnny Carson, Actor & Host of TV Talk
Henry Fonda, Actor
Former President and Mrs. Jimmy Carter,
Farrah Fawcett Majors, Actor
Sigourney Weaver, Actor
Nicole Kidman, Actor
Sally Field, Actor
Ella Fitzgerald, Jazz Vocalist with 13
Gloria Estefan, Cuban Singer-songwriter,
author with 5 Grammy Awards
and many many more.....
Welcome to the SHY club and know that you're
in very good company....They overcame shyness....so can YOU.....
Here is a testimonial from Dr. Renee Gilbert a Licensed
Clinical Psychologist and "recovering shy person.":
- I say "recovering," because like so shy many
people, I've never completely overcome my shyness. Just when I think I've
licked it, something comes along to catch me off guard and those old
familiar feelings of wanting to hide, dive under a table or run for cover
come rushing back.
- You know the feelings--the ones where your heart races,
your body temperature rises and it feels like your stomach has dropped
down to your feet.
- But when they do come back--when I do feel shy, my
shyness no longer rules my life--not for long anyway. These days I know I
can do something about it. And so can you. You just need to know where to
- Shyness and you:
- I'm not going to kid you. It takes time to get
over being shy. It took me years. But then again, I didn't have anyone
to guide me.
- I had to learn everything the hard way. But the good
news is, the farther along I got, the better I felt.
- I felt better at the end of year one than I did
before I started and better at the end of year two than I did at the end
of year one.
- When you've been living with shyness a lifetime, it's
unrealistic to think you can get rid of it overnight. But if you make a
commitment to work a program year after year, the results can be dramatic
and you don't have to wait until you've finished learning everything there
is to know to reap the benefits. Most people notice a difference right
from the start. It's just that you don't get "over" being shy all that
- As a former guitar teacher, I think about shyness the
same way I used to think about learning to play a musical instrument. You
don't have to be a virtuoso to learn a few things that sound pretty good
and can go a long way toward impressing your friends. And so, too, by
learning a few social skills and strategies for handling your
anxiety---and in some cases, many of you will experience relief early on.
- But to truly get over your shyness---know that it
takes work, time, commitment and a plan---and it helps to have a little
support along the way.
When it doubt---heed
The help can help!
(YOU can get more information on "SHAKE YOUR
SHYNESS' from Dr. Renee Gilbert's web site by clicking
This is not a referral from PVAF but just a internet sourcing
YOU can start off by managing your shyness at work and blossom
in your career with the tips from the article in Canadian Globe and Mail and
from the career consultant Ilise Benun, president of Hoboken, N.J.-based
consultancy Marketing Mentor and the author of a new book, "Stop Pushing Me
Around"....Just click on the next line.....
MANAGING THE SHY:
HELP THEM BLOSSOM
How to encourage staff
who'd rather fly below the radar reach for the top
Globe and Mail: August 4,
2006: WALLACE IMMEN
In every organization, there are people who have great ideas
but never seem to bring them up in meetings.
You know they are capable of more, but they prefer to fly below the radar,
rather than reaching for the top.
As a manager, your challenge is: How do you help a good worker who is
naturally shy to blossom?
Tact is the key, says career consultant Ilise Benun, president of Hoboken,
N.J.-based consultancy Marketing Mentor and the author of a new book,
"Stop Pushing Me Around".
"Facing the unknown and being put on the spot are situations that shy people
really fear," she says, so it's important to keep the pressure low and not
appear to be singling someone out for special treatment.
A manager who gives shy employees the space and time to use strategies that
work comfortably for them will see them shine, she says.
How to help that happen?
Here are her suggestions:
Make the first move
Shy people tend not to reach out because they are afraid of the reaction
they will receive, she says.
It's important that a manager build rapport with shy employees so that they
aren't intimidated to speak up when they need something.
Check in with them informally on a regular basis and ask if there is
anything they need to help them in their work, Ms. Benun suggests.
Don't put them on the spot
You don't want to come straight out and say, "I realize you are shy about
responding at meetings," which would make a shy person feel conspicuous.
Instead, you can send a memo, something like "If it helps, I can get you an
early copy of the agenda to help you prepare for the meeting."
Let them set the pace
Giving shy people a little extra time to prepare reduces their stress.
"Shy people tell me they momentarily freeze when the spotlight is put on
them and they can't think of anything but their uncertainty," Ms. Benun
Putting things in writing also helps because shy people don't like to speak
extemporaneously in front of a group, she says.
A particularly clutch-making situation is the common practice in meetings of
going around the table and having everyone report. This makes shy people
fear they will be judged against everyone else rather than on their input.
To overcome this, Ms. Benun suggests asking people to write out their ideas
in advance of the discussion.
"This not only makes it easier for shy people to put their thoughts together
clearly, but it makes sure everyone gets to contribute."
Shy people feel unsure of how they're performing. When speaking with them,
sit quietly and let them express themselves at their pace, instead oftrying
to get them to work or speak at your pace.
Use their style
Understand your employee's most preferred communication style, and use it. A
shy person may feel more comfortable and expansive writing his or her
opinion, but reluctant to discuss things in person. If so, use e-mail or
Confirm you understand
Shy people appreciate getting acknowledgment that their contributions are
Ms. Benun suggests the technique of paraphrasing their input. For instance,
say "So what you're proposing is. . ." This will not only help to make sure
that you do understand, but will also give them an experience of support and
Make resources available
Shy people can benefit from coaching and membership in trade organizations,
where they can discuss their concerns, get practice communicating before a
receptive audience and get feedback on their ideas. You could point them in
that direction and pay for courses, Ms. Benun suggests.
Give regular feedback
Don't wait for a big event like an annual performance review. Set time aside
regularly to communicate objectives and go over their performance.
But don't let their discomfort about communicating get in the way of you
setting clear objectives and giving specific feedback about their
performance. It's important that they know what's expected.
Be aware of signals
Pay attention to body language, such as hunching up or looking away, that
indicates discomfort. Ease that by offering reassurance and ask for
acknowledgment they are taking suggestions as intended.
"Shyness is a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy," Ms. Benun says.
Shy people tell themselves they don't have the confidence and so they can't
succeed. The best way you grow confidence is to encourage a person to do
something and point out that he or she has succeeded at it.
"The next time they confront the same situation, they will realize the
reality of doing something is not as scary as their fantasy of it," she
When the manager's shy
What happens when shy people get into management positions themselves?
Often, they don't feel comfortable being at that level but may have agreed
because they were prodded into accepting by someone who saw their potential.
But their fear of dealing with people and making big changes can cripple
their whole team, says Ilise Benun, the author of Stop Pushing Me Around.
Colleagues who recognize a leader's shyness can help by being mentors,
encouraging them in their role wherever possible.
It's also smart to remind the leader that he or she is needed at that level
of management because of essential knowledge and good ideas, Ms. Benun says.
Offer, too, to be available at any time, she adds.
It relieves stress for a shy person to have someone understanding to turn
Wallace Immen © The Globe and Mail.
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