Posted by Champaklal Dajibhai Mistry on January 29, 2009




All creations start negotiating their co-existence in this universe as soon as they are created.....Most of the negotiating is very subtle and is still to be understood by the humanity. But humanity itself in its evolution for physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual growth and prosperity is continually discovering the need for better ways to  negotiate among itself....And when it comes to it to sustain life or to get a promotion at work or to get a better deal in whatever kARm of life the humanity really struggles...and the struggle is due to lack of understanding of how a human is created; how it is supposed to stay alive and function; and what it should do to continue as a humanity in future....The total knowledge with current humanity on this planet earth is at best a very small fraction of the total knowledge can be estimated to exist for humanity's auto-creation-sustenance-recreation......

A human child as soon as it is born starts to cry....and that cry brings it whatever it needs to  stay alive and grow....thus crying is negotiating with parents by saying through crying: " I will not cry if you give me what I need"...normally the negotiated promise is kept....

As a child grows it keeps on negotiating for what it needs and then what it wants through its hard-wired (for atheists) or god-given (for who believe in higher power called Creator) knowledge or through copying human behaviour in its environment and then trying out with trial and error technique.....

And when a child becomes an adult it starts facing a tremendous struggle in negotiating what it needs and wants as all of the knowledge named in the preceding paragraph runs out or does not work in the adult or business or professional world of dog eat dog....


But then humanity gets blessed with people life Jim Murray who seems to have figured out more about negotiating than most of the humans.....Please click on the line outside this box to read what Jim Murray has to share with the humanity about negotiating with people who are difficult to deal with...all of whom he has  categorized into following groups with interesting names:

  • Bullies

  • Bureaucrats

  • Guerrilla fighters

  • Know-it-all

  • Wafflers

  • Oysters

(This column was volunteered by Champaklal Dajibhai Mistry who is a Life Coach with a professional engineering license in Edmonton Alberta, Canada... who has specialized in engineering knowledge per se for achieving whatever one wishes in life through continuing study of vED = SCIENCES OF CREATION AND LIFE...)

PVAF is publishing this news story with a prayer that this knowledge from Jim Murray will help YOU to be a better negotiator than YOU presently are with his tips and from reading his book......and this negotiating knowledge you can use in daily life in dealing with your parents, wife, children, relatives, friends and everybody beyond your home and family....Also PVAF prays that YOU will be inspired to study vED = SCIENCES OF CREATION AND LIFE....and use it in your daily life as expounded in various articles on this knowledge-sharing PVAF web site...TO MAKE YOUR TOMORROW HAPPIER THAN TODAY.....

And YOU can share YOUR own knowledge and experience in life on the subject matter with the entire humanity by writing as much as YOU wish on this web site by clicking on the POST A COMMENT button in the header of this news item or YOU can email your writing as an attachment to PVAF by clicking here


The 'optimal negotiator': Always cool under fire

Want to avoid going ballistic in the boardroom? Consultant Jim Murray can show you how to pause your hot buttons

Jim Murray has advised such disparate groups as military commanders and accountants on the art of negotiation - and, while their workplace issues are obviously different, his counsel is consistent: remain cool under fire.

"Know your hot buttons. When you know what your hot buttons are, you have just discovered your pause button," says Mr. Murray, who recently designed a three-day course on "the optimal negotiator" for the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Ontario.

While accountants are not generally regarded as hotheads, Mr. Murray says everyone has vulnerabilities and "soft spots" which - when pushed - trigger stress, anger and frustration.

It is far easier to muster a controlled, rational response if one knows in advance of a crucial negotiation what - or who - is most likely to set him or her off, Mr. Murray advises his clients.

It sounds basic, but more people lose negotiations by losing their cool than by any other strategic blunder, says Mr. Murray, chief executive officer of optimal solutions international, a consulting firm based in Maxwell, Ont.

"When you are going ballistic and losing it, you are defeating yourself," Mr. Murray says.

Although the stereotypical image of a negotiation is two parties going at it hammer and tong over a boardroom table, Mr. Murray advocates a more constructive approach.

"You can't win an argument by arguing with people ... Goals are achieved by influence, not force."

The group brought Mr. Murray in because, as its members climb the corporate ranks, they need to learn "the softer skills" required of leaders, says Robert Gagnon, a chartered accountant and assistant director of professional development at the institute.

"Negotiation is a daily experience and ... when you look at it in that perspective, you realize what an essential skill it is," Mr. Gagnon says.

For the accountants, the objective is to learn to read people as well as they read numbers - "negotiation is as much intuition as it is intellect," Mr. Gagnon says.

Mr. Murray, author of The Game of Life: How to Play, How to Win, says that "information is the ultimate source of power in a negotiation" - and the best way to gain that information is to listen, ask insightful questions and keep the lines of communication open.

Assuming the goal is not to totally crush the other party - although this is sometimes the case - negotiation requires creativity, tact, persistence and patience, he says.

Knowing when not to spout off during a lull in the negotiation, takes discipline, he says. "We are all socially predisposed after four to seven seconds [of silence] to feel a certain kind of angst. But if you can wait a couple of seconds - I call that the green banana principle - time changes everything."

The outcome of a negotiation where there is give-and-take is more lasting than a winner-take-all situation, which leaves the loser chafing to eventually "even the score."

The best negotiators generally allow the other side some wins, Mr. Murray says.

Of course, not all negotiations are entered in good faith.

When this is the case, it is prudent to be supremely well prepared, to know one's enemy - and not be goaded into an irrational or emotional response.

The key to a successful negotiation is recognizing - and dealing with - the tactics of the other party.

This is not easy when confronted with "difficult people ... who are somewhat immune to the normal tactics of persuasion," Mr. Murray concedes.

"The temptation, if you treat me aggressively is to treat you aggressively ... Well, eventually that just spirals downward. It's a cycle of destruction which will lead to remorse, revenge and so on," he says.

And once a set of negotiations goes off the rails, it is very difficult to get back on track.

"At some point, if you have gone too far, no amount of skill, no amount of effort or creativity will ever enable you to right the balance," he says.


Difficult to deal with

Source: Negotiation specialist Jim Murray, chief executive officer of optimal solutions international, and author of The Game of Life: How to Play, How to Win.

The key to a successful negotiation is recognizing - and dealing with - the tactics employed by other parties, says negotiation specialist Jim Murray. That said, we often have to negotiate with those difficult people in our lives 'who are somewhat immune to the normal tactics of persuasion.' In his book, The Game of Life: How to Play, How to Win, Mr. Murray offers some strategies:


  • Bullies are generally abusive, abrupt, overwhelming, intimidating and arbitrary with others. Their attack is direct, forceful and intimidating, and they are stimulated by any sign of weakness or submissiveness.
  • How to deal: Stand your ground, but do so carefully. Be assertive, but not aggressive. Don't let them goad you into a fight. Your purpose of standing up to a bully is simply to get into the conversation and get your ideas across.


  • These are the ones who confront us in an officious manner when we need a little flexibility, latitude and open-mindedness. They can be rigid and uncompromising, and often point out flaws in the proposals of others, particularly if they detect an ignorance of "the rules," standards or established procedures.
  • How to deal: Don't spring a big idea on them out of the blue. Recognize - and feed - their need for detail and data. Broach the idea in its formative stage, encourage questions, anticipate objections. Do not expect them to be comfortable with a radical departure from the past; point out how the new proposal builds on tradition.


  • These are the cheap shot artists, the players who use subtle digs and innuendo to make their points, rather than engaging in open, honest and direct confrontation with their adversaries. Unlike bullies who overwhelm their opponents, they prefer to take control of people and situations using tactics to undermine the other party's self-confidence.
  • How to deal: Blow their cover. Don't let the cheap shot go by, even if it was delivered with a smile. Don't be brushed off by comments such as "can't you take a joke?" Let this person know, either in public or in private, that you are wise to his/her tactics and are capable of dealing with them. Persist in finding out what the real grievance is. Ask them to be more specific.


  • These people believe they know everything there is to know, and that other viewpoints don't really count. Their arrogance, and conceit in their self-knowledge, causes them to speak with absolute certainty and leaves little room for the creativity and resourcefulness of others.
  • How to deal: A successful game plan relies upon subtlety. If know-it-alls have a weakness, it is a strong desire for recognition of their expertise. To influence them, first demonstrate your respect for their knowledge. Get them thinking about alternate viewpoints by posing questions that also show your knowledge. Present your views as proposals, suggestions or "what ifs?"


  • These people are well-meaning, but indecisive. They prolong the decision-making process or, worse, avoid it altogether. Their waffling makes is extremely difficult to reach an agreement and move on to the next stage.
  • How to deal: Make it easy for them. Try to identify - and address - what's causing their hesitation. Support your proposals with three reasons as to why your idea should be accepted. Recommend a course of action.


  • These are silent, non-responsive types. While their silence typically results from shyness or attempts to evade difficult situations, their silence can also be used as a form of calculated aggression. They go out of their way to avoid answering direct questions.
  • How to deal: Ask open-ended questions that require more than a yes-or-no answer, and be patient. A stare of expectancy can speak volumes, and might draw them out of their shells. Don't rush in to fill the conversational void if the answers are slow in coming. If you don't get too far in nailing down their position, ask if they can put some of their thoughts in a memo prior to the next meeting.

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