"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother, and the most important thing a mother can do for her children  is to love their father." ---Anonymous ........Children Learn What They Live..... If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child learns to feel shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement he learns confidence. If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate. He a child lives with fairness, he learns justice. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world. With what is your child living? - Dorothy Law Neite a new book based on many studies and many years of research Partnership Parenting: .....How Men and Women Parent Differently.... .....Why It Helps Your Kids.... and .....Can Strengthen Your Marriage.... Men and women not only have naturally different communication styles, but unique approaches to parenting as well. While mothers tend to overprotect their kids, fathers tend to push them toward independence. And whereas many experts tend to advocate "a united front," Drs. Kyle and Marsha Pruett reveal:     -  how Mom and Dad not always being on exactly the same page-     - which, initially, may seem to cause conflict-      -  can actually strengthen the whole family.   Informed by the Pruetts' research and extensive experience with parents and children, Partnership Parenting offers a new outlook. In addition to fascinating biological insights, the book features:     -  strategies for negotiating common "landmine situations" from birth to age eight,     - from discipline and bedtime to helping kids with homework and teaching them responsibility. With wisdom and humor, Partnership Parenting helps couples take advantage of their individual strengths to raise confident children while simultaneously improving their marriage. ABOUT THE AUTHORS OF THE NEW BOOK : "PARTNERSHIP PARENTING" Dr. Kyle Pruett, MD, a child psychiatrist at the Yale Child Study Center, is an award-winning author. Dr. Marsha Kline Pruett, PhD, MSL, a professor at Smith College, has done landmark research on co-parenting. They live in Northampton, Massachusetts, with their children. PVAF has a primary mandate .....TO MAKE YOUR TOMORROW HAPPIER THAN TODAY...  simply because YOU have increased YOUR TRUE LIFE KNOWLEDGE TODAY...  ... by reading the above review of the new book and probably the new book....along with the news article about the topic of PARENTING presented on the next web page...(PVAF is not marketing or promoting this new book) Today's news sharing has so much "life saving" and "life giving" scientific research knowledge for parents in communities in industrialized countries where children suffers life-long pains and trauma because of "failed parenting" and/or "failed marriages" (about 50 percent divorces in first marriages and 80 percent divorces in second marriages.... And this growing social phenomenon is greatly affected by the market and financial forces in industrialized communities....as seen in "fractured" families due to the 2008 world-wide depression and financial melt-down... The phenomenon of "failed parenting" and/or "failed marriages" has been observed mostly to be triggered by the lifestyle of industrialized countries wherein the wishes for wealth attainment paramount all other life needs as shown by so many news stories published on this knowledge-sharing PVAF NEWS page....

.....Today's News Sharing.... ........in parenting...... ......The better a couple gets along,    the better it is for the child.... Deanne FitzMaurice, New York Times Bryan Leahy and his fiance Melissa Calapini read to their children Anthony, 5, and Haley, 3, at their home in Olivehurst, California, USA. .......PARTERNSHIP PARENTING STUDY SHOWS... Fathers do it differently, not worse, than mothers. Mom’s support of Dad is critical for effective parenting .......Fathers don’t mother — they father .......Dads discipline differently, use humour with children, but don’t encroach on mom’s realm..... ......The study emphasizes the importance of couples figuring parenting out together and accepting the different ways of parenting.....  (From : Edmonton Journal: 8 November 2009:  Laurie Tarkan; New York Times)   It used to irk Melissa Calapini when her three-year-old daughter, Haley, hung around her father while he fixed his cars. Calapini thought there were more enriching things the little girl could be doing. But since the couple attended a parenting course to save their relationship, which had become overwhelmed by arguments about rearing their children, Calapini has had a change of heart. Now she encourages the father-daughter car talk. Daddy’s bonding time with his girls is working on cars, said Calapini, of Olivehurst, California, USA. “He has his own way of communicating with them, and that’s OK.” As much as mothers want their partners to be involved with their children, experts say they often unintentionally discourage men from doing so. Because mothering is their realm, some women micromanage fathers and expect them to do things their way, said Marsha Kline Pruett, a professor at the School for Social Work at Smith College and a co-author of the new book "Partnership Parenting" with her husband, child psychiatrist Dr. Kyle Pruett. Yet a mother’s support of the father turns out to be a critical factor in his involvement with their children, experts say, even when a couple is divorced. In the last 20 years, everyone’s been talking about how important it is for fathers to be involved, said Sara McLanahan, a professor of sociology and public affairs at Princeton. But now the idea is that the better the couple gets along, the better it is for the child.          ======================== Her research, part of a project based at Princeton and called The Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing Study,” found that:   -   when couples scored high on positive relationship traits like                -  willingness to compromise,              -   expressing affection or love for their   partner,              -  encouraging or helping partners to do things that were important to them, and              -  having an absence of insults and criticism,  -  the father was significantly more likely to be engaged with his children. Uninvolved fathers have long been accused of lacking motivation. But research shows that many societal obstacles conspire against them. Even as more fathers are changing diapers, dropping the children off at school and coaching soccer, they are often pushed aside in ways large and small. Said Philip Cowan, an emeritus professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, who along with his wife, Carolyn Pape Cowan, has conducted decades of research on families:       -  The walls in family resource centres are pink, there are women’s magazines in the waiting room, the mother’s name is on the files, and       -  the home visitor asks for the mother if the father answers the door,      -   it’s like fathers are not there. In recent years, several fathers’ rights organizations have offered father-only parenting programs and groups, and studies have shown that these help men become more responsive and engaged with their children. But a new randomized, controlled study conducted by the Pruetts and the Cowans found that the families did even better if mothers were brought into the picture. In the study, low-income couples were randomly placed into a father-mother group, a father-only group and a control group of couples. The controls were given one information session; the other two groups met for 16 weeks at family resource centres in California, discussing various parental issues. In both of those groups, the researchers found, the fathers not only spent more time with their children than the controls did but were also more active in the daily tasks of child-rearing. They became more emotionally involved with their children, and the children were much less aggressive, hyperactive, depressed or socially withdrawn than children of fathers in the control group. Notably, the families in the couples group did best:      -  They had less parental stress and more marital happiness than the other parents studied,      -  suggesting that the critical difference was not greater involvement by the fathers in childrearing .....but greater emotional support between couples. Kline Pruett said from the study:      -   The importance of couples figuring parenting out together and accepting the different ways of parenting,     -  Fathers tend to do things differently, but not in ways that are worse for the children. Fathers do not mother, they father,      -  Dads tend to discipline differently, use humour more and use play differently,      -  Fathers want to show kids what’s going on outside their mother’s arms, to get their kids ready for the outside world,      -  To that end they tend to encourage risk-taking and problem-solving. The study was financed by the California Office of Child Abuse Prevention, which is looking for ways to involve fathers more at the state’s many family resource centres:     Experts say improving the way fathers are treated in many settings, public and private, is an important public health goal. For example:       -  pictures of families on the walls of clinics should have fathers in them,       -  all correspondence should be addressed to both mother and father.       -  staff members should be welcoming to men. “We want people to think about how positive father engagement in this co-parenting model would work in their foster care agency, local health clinic, pediatric office, adoption agency or school,” Kyle Pruett said. “That’s where an awful lot of the barriers are.”         ===================== At home, the experts including Philip Cowan recommend that:        -  couples keep talking about parenting issues and try hard to appreciate each other’s strengths.        -  a recurring argument among couples is that each partner thinks he or she knows what is right;        -  a mother may accuse the father of allowing too much TV, while a father may tell a mother she isn’t strict enough with discipline.        - Instead, they should be saying, “How can each of us be the kind of parent that we are? I don’t think it’s abuse for a dad to sit with that little kid watching TV.” These experts including Cowan agree that:      -  parents should not focus solely on the children,       - parents work all day, and feel as if they need to give every other minute to the kids,         -  but if they don’t take care of the relationship between them, they’re not taking care of the whole story.”

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