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PVAF CROSS-CULTURAL FORUM:....how to get married living in a society of globalized multi-cultural mosaic....AND KEEPING YOURSELF AND YOURS HAPPY.....
Posted by Vishva News Reporter on October 14, 2010 |
Robert McCloskey
said:
(September 15, 1914 – June 30, 2003, an American author and illustrator
of children's books who wrote and illustrated eight books, two of which
won the Caldecott Medal, the American Library Association's annual award
of distinction for children's book illustration
"I know that you believe that you
understood what you think I said,
but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
....The above is today's story's
fundamental of
creation of life-difficulties
in living in a cross-cultural global village
anywhere on the planet Earth.... |
....Hereunder is three lines from today's
news-life-knowledge sharing
which inspired PVAF to publish.... |
I kid – perhaps to cover my nervousness at wading into this one.
I don’t
want to tread on anyone’s toes, culturally.
So, caveat lector:
Whatever
I say is obviously going to have
a Western flavour to it –
more
cheeseburger-fries than garam masala, okay? |
The question to the above was:
"I’m torn between my boyfriend and
my mom’s pick for my husband" |
Today's PVAF sharing was submitted for publication from
Champak Mistry,
B. Eng (civil), P, Eng. (Association
of Professional Engineers Geologist Geophysicist of Alberta, Canada's
Life Member 2009) because of his last 15 years of experience and
wisdom gained thereof in volunteering for lifecoaching and mentoring to immigrants
to Canada and Canadian native peoples, especially international graduates in all disciplines and
Canadian professionals in all disciplines...and to let you know how
complex the living of diverse lifestyle choices and belief systems is
becoming for parents and grandparents of baby-boomer generations and
X-Y-Millennium generations...does not matter where one lives on this
planet Earth....Today's entire publication has been provided by Champak
Mistry....PVAF conveys appreciation for today...with a prayer that
everybody out there keeps on contributing your life knowledge-wisdom
sharing on this global, timeless, borderless platform with all
humanity.....TO MAKE YOUR TOMORROW
HAPPIER THAN TODAY SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE MORE LIFE-KNOWLEDGE TODAY
THAN YESTERDAY.....
Now please kindly click on the next line to enlighten yourself of
the above noted life-question from a 21 year old ethnic minority
Canadian girl and the answer from a Canadian male with a
western civilization lifestyle of perhaps X-generation..... |
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......and now today's feature
news....
IF YOU ARE YOUR PARENT'S CHILD
LOOKING FOR A SPOUSE
OR
EVEN PARENTS OF
X+Y+MILLENIUM GENERATION
LIVING ANYWHERE ON THIS PLANET EARTH ....
.....and especially with heritage of Indian
sub-continent then....
YOU GOT TO READ WHAT FOLLOWS
HERUNDER....
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I’m torn between my boyfriend and my mom’s pick
(From: Canadian
Globe and Mail: Wednesday, Oct. 13, 2010: David Eddie
David Eddie was born in Boston and moved with his family to Canada
when he was 11. He has a master's degree in English literature from the
University of Toronto and a masters in Journalism from Columbia
University. He is the author of a critically acclaimed novel
Chump
Change, and a non-fiction book,
Housebroken, translated into many languages. He writes the
Globe Life Damage Control column and has adapted it into a
book, published by McClelland and Stewart in March 2010.He lives in
Toronto with his wife, three children, two cats, and a dog.
You can read more of David Eddie's on "How To" wisdom for getting your
life the right way to suit your lifestyle choice through his
Globe Life Damage Control column....by clicking on his
hyperlinked name at the beginning of his introduction above...You can
read review of each of his 2 books by clicking on the hyperlinked book
name above.
|
THE QUESTION:
I'm 21 and for the past few months I’ve been dating a boy who used to be
my best friend. My parents, who are of South Asian descent, are strong
supporters of the “modern” arranged marriage – parents arrange “dates”
with boys with similar families, hobbies and values, and who are also
settled in life financially.
I didn't think they would start this process until I graduated next
June. But recently I found out they made an arrangement with a boy who
is extremely good-looking, and richer and more accomplished than my
boyfriend could ever be. So I told my mom about my boyfriend. She didn't
disapprove; she was worried about his financial security.
When I told my boyfriend, I expected him to leave me. Instead he told me
that he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He told me
to meet the arranged guy if I want to, and that I should respect my
mother, but to have faith in what we have together.
Now I am at a crossroads where all paths look grey. I care a lot about
my boyfriend and I know he'll take care of me and always make me happy,
but I care about my mom too and don't want her to be unhappy.
The answer:
Tough choice. This would make a great Bollywood musical. Perhaps it
already has.
I kid – perhaps to cover my nervousness at wading into this one. I don’t
want to tread on anyone’s toes, culturally. So, caveat lector: Whatever
I say is obviously going to have a Western flavour to it – more
cheeseburger-fries than garam masala, okay?
Supporters of arranged marriages point out they have much lower divorce
rates than “love marriages.” In India, where arranged marriages are
still the norm, the divorce rate is, unbelievably, less than 2 per cent.
But as the Canadian (of Anglo-South Asian descent) comic Russell Peters
says in one of his bits, I would no more want my mother to pick out a
spouse for me than I want her to pick out my shirts.
Sure, she might get close. She might even pick one that falls into the
“nice try” category. But it would be impossible to get one that was
perfect.
A spouse is like a shirt you have to wear for the rest of your life. One
that’s too loud, or doesn’t fit or is in poor taste, just keeps on
getting tighter, louder and more frayed around the edges as time goes
on.
|
I know in the “modern” iteration of the arranged marriage, the spouse is
not forced upon you. Rather, your mother acts as a sort of yenta,
introducing you to an array of eligible bachelors but leaving the final
decision to you.
Still, clearly, there is not-so-subtle pressure to go with one of her
choices. Yet you’re the one who has to live with that choice, in the
most literal way.
You’re 21. And these days life expectancy in Canada hovers at just a
hair under 81. That’s 60 years under the same roof with the same dude,
inhaling the piquant aroma of his personality, dealing with his
problems, quirks, habits, health issues and halitosis.
Now, marriage can be an extremely agreeable state of affairs. Having
someone to share your bed, your destiny, to have children and watch
videos with – it can be very pleasant. Someone who says to you, in
effect: “I know you inside out, I know you better than you know yourself
– but I love you anyway.” And when you get married, suddenly it’s not
just one, but the two of you versus the world. How can you beat that?
But an unhappy marriage? It can be an intensely irksome, friction-and-froideur-filled
nightmare. The acme of misery, in fact. And even though your mother has
the best of intentions, if you wind up with a husband you hate, you
could wind up resenting her for it.
So, yes: You’re at a crossroads. And I’d think long and hard before
committing to anything. To be honest, I’m concerned you never said
whether you loved your boyfriend, let alone whether he was “the one.”
br />
Maybe you should meet up with the rich, good-looking dude. Take him out
for a spin. Kick the tires. What’s the harm, especially since your
boyfriend doesn’t seem to mind?
But vis-à-vis marriage, what’s the rush? Surely, no matter how
traditional your family is, no one is going to start whispering
“spinster” until you’re at least 25.
Take your time. Whomever you choose, you could still be with him when
we’re all scooting around in solar-powered hover-cars, wearing
mood-detection (or at least silver lamé) jumpsuits, sending each other
thought-mails and watching movies on our contact lenses.
That’s not a decision you want to make too hastily. |
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.....NOW YOU CAN GET HELP TO CONTROL
YOUR SELF-CREATED DAMAGE
FROM THE COLUMINST OF TODAY'S
NEWS AND LIFE-KNOWLEDGE SHARING....
....by following the notice below
from Canadian Globe and Mail.....
|
....."I’ve made a huge mistake"....
Have you created any damage that needs controlling?
Send your dilemmas to
damage@globeandmail.com
and
include your hometown and a daytime contact number
so we can follow up with any queries |
......AND YOU CAN READ A LITTLE BIT MORE OF
SIMILAR WISDOM FROM
THE FOLLOWING RELATED ADVICES |
PLUS MORE INTERESTING IS
'YOU JOINING
THE CONVERSATION"
to today's life-knowledge advice asked and
given....
just like 92 of you who had something to say on the blog by
early afternoon of publication of this column....Please click on the
following: |
THE
ANSWER TO THE ART QUESTION IS:
.....Two faces bashing heads....
....if
you could not then you proved right the
Robert McCloskey's
quote below the header of today's news.... |
....kli-yug's
(kali-yug) ordained lifestyle intermixing
among humanity is in well, alive and kicking
as kli-yug progresses to it
total vEDik
time duration
of 432,000 years from its 5112nd year in 2010 AD.... |
|
and as kli-yug evolves what is going to happen in human communication
based on avoiding upholding DHARm in daily living is in the following
text messaging in the cell-phone and internet medium which is taking off
at light speed in human life... |
.....IF YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THE
ABOVE THEN
YOU ARE LIVING IN THE TODAY'S NOW TIME-FRAME....
......if you cannot then you could have a
real problem
understanding your fellow humans old and young.....
.....To understand what the text messaging say
please click
here to watch the video related to cross-cultural communication... |
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