IT IS ONLY WORK ACCOUNTANTS THINK OF......
An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The accountant said, "I like both."
Architect and artist asked: "Both?"
The accountant replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."
WHY DO YOU WANT A GLASS AND ALSO SOMETHING
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
AN ACCOUNTANT CANNOT UNDERSTAND EVEN A
An accountant was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week".
The accountant took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the accountant took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The accountant said, "Look I'm an accountant. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's
TOLD YOU AN ACCOUNT PRETENDS HE CAN
COUNT.......DON'T BE FOOLED BY AN ACCOUNT....NOT YOUR WIFE...YOU STUPID...
A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of Divisional Manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two"?
The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "twenty-two."
The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator and showed the answer to be between 3.999999 and 4.000001.
The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four.
The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?"
The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
He got the job.