Soulmates: Two people who are very compatible with each
other in disposition, point of view, and sensitivity. Those who use this
term in regard to primary relationships view it as a way of describing
those who are meant for each other in a very special and unique way -
almost as if they were spiritually or mystically connected.
What Kind of Soulmate Are You?
Not everyone is a hopeful romantic person. Just as there
are different types of personalities and temperaments, we human beings
seem to gravitate toward one of four clearly identifiable relationship
approach types. We can't help it. Whatever factors that go into shaping
our view of love from childhood through adulthood; we still find
ourselves clearly manifesting the characteristics below.
Look over the four types of soulmates. You may not be able to
immediately identify yourself or your mate, so take some time to
consider which one fits best. After doing this, take a further look at
the other types. Perhaps you will be able to identify your mate. How do
these soulmate types interact with each other? What would it be like for
two people of the same type to be with each other? Could those who are
so different from each other still be referred to as "soulmates?"
After you've read the basic descriptions of the soulmate
types, stay with us to consider some other important insights.
The Romantic Soulmate...
Seeks permanence and completeness in a loving, caring
relationship. Feels a stronger sense of self-identity resulting from the
relationship which produces fulfillment. Shares all aspects of life as
expressions of togetherness from the mundane to the major. Focuses on
finding ideas and ways to enhance the intensity and quality of the
The Sharing Soulmate...
Views sharing love and life with another as the best
possible way to change and grow.
Senses completeness only when sharing self with another
in a primary relationship. Perceives sharing dreams, plans, and projects
as the means of demonstrating love. Sees intimate relationships as a way
for two people to mutually improve and find purpose in their lives
The Constant Soulmate...
Sees consistency, faithfulness, and loyalty as the
finest expression to demonstrate love to another. Values the other
person's individuality by being available without feeling a need to
always lead. Focuses on refining the relationship which results in a
greater sense of self-worth.
Emphasizes the importance of both being dependable in
the context of the relationship.
The Independent Soulmate...
Views a primary relationship as a partnership for each
to help the other reach their full potential. Accepts their mates as
separate individuals and need the same kind of acceptance for
themselves. Values his/her own autonomy and is sensitive to any hint of
being controlled or coerced by others. Enjoys the intensity and novelty
of the experience of love.-
Romantics - love to demonstrate their love and affection to and for
their mates. However, the warning here is that, even when matched with
another romantic, no one can tolerate such attention on a continual
basis. The "24X7 Romantic" will seem absolutely wonderful at first
(especially to someone who has been alone for awhile) but then begin to
wear on the other person.
Independents are especially sensitive to this as they
begin to feel guilty that they cannot return the love from a romantic as
quickly or often as it is given to them (they will even misinterpret it
as being controlled). As one woman expressed it, "One gets tired of
lobster and crab legs after awhile. Most of us are more comfortable with
a good hamburger."
The idea here is for the romantics to learn how to
balance their tendency to continually do special and nice things for
their beloveds within the context of normal, everyday living. Be
romantic but giving lovers room to breathe is essential.
The bottom line is that romantics can overwhelm their
partners to such a degree that they are not able to respond with any
real confidence. Making someone else feel inadequate is destructive to a
True romantics know how to give their lovers just enough
loving attention to keep them going strong. Keeping that balance proves
the romantic's natural capability to keep their soulmates coming back
Sharers are those who look for their soulmates first
when they get home from work to talk and hear all about what happened
throughout the day. They want their mates to be their business
partners--or at least heavily involved in their ventures. Every good
thing (e.g. an unexpected bonus or the receipt of a new credit card)
must be shared with their loves. Conversely, they share all of the bad
things, too; disappointments, hurts, sorrows, negative experiences, etc.
In fact, if they are not careful, their mates can get bogged down with
all of the problems of their sharing mates to the point of serious
frustration. Sharers have to work harder than the other soulmate types
to keep some things to themselves (biting their lips) so as not to
frustrate their mates. Also, it is difficult for them to understand how
a romantic might not want to hear all about how bad things are going at
work while on a night out together--or how an independent might respond
to the same with leaving them standing alone in the midst of telling
their mate about it. Be one who shares all of the good things but
discipline yourself to bite your lip when it comes to telling your mate
about the negative things you deal with. Of course, sharing some of
these things is fine--but not continually. It's just one more way that
you can really demonstrate your love to your soulmate.
Constants demonstrate their love by such things as
keeping the house clean, making dinner, running errands for their mates,
or bringing home the paycheck. This is the soulmate who would never
allow themselves to go outside of their relationship for sexual
gratification. They are faithful, loyal, and true to their loves. That
being said, they can tend to be somewhat undemonstrative in the way they
show affection. Furthermore, being romantic can be a problem for them.
After all (as goes their thinking), "I take care of her and she can go
buy anything she wants to; anytime she wants to. Why should I do all of
that silly romantic stuff when she darn well knows I love her?" The idea
here is for constants to realize that their mates need demonstrative
affection and regular romance just like everyone else.
Independents are the antipathy of romantics. Their
approach to a primary relationship is one of protecting their
independency; even at the expense of the relationship if necessary. The
need to keep a halo of space around them which cannot be too deeply
peneterated. This is difficult to understand by the other soulmate
types. Only another independent would find such an approach to love as
being natural and comfortable when in a relationship with a same-type
Yet, independents can be very enjoyable and exctiting
people with whom to be involved. They are continually seeking ways to
accomplish goals and projects. Their careers are their first loves.
Should their chosen vocation or ongoing projects be the kind that their
mates are truly interested in, all of the factors that involve them
(e.g. going to the best restaurants to have dinners with a client or
enjoying an evening out with another couple in the same business) can be
a source of entertainment and, better yet, provide a bond between the
independent and his/her soulmate. However, independents need to be
careful that they are at least receptive to the demonstrations of love
from their partners, if not as good at initiating them in the first
Work hard at your labors of love but take the time
needed (and a little more thrown in for good measure) to spend quality
time with your love.
Pulling All of This Together...
Space prohibits us from expanding upon all of the many facets and
factors that occur when the four soulmate types mix and match with each
other. In short, romantics and independents have to work harder than the
rest to have a successful relationship. Sharers and constants can get
along very well as long as they don't get in a contest to outdo each
other. Two Romantics can make a powerful match as long as they don't
burn each other out. Constants and Independents can get along fine as
long as they both work harder at such things as showing affection and
making sure they schedule time for each other. Independents can be most
supportive of each other's interests as long as they don't completely
ignore or alienate each other.
The main consideration here is that many people have
good relationships and do not consider themselves to be soulmates.
However, the point is that those who do strongly sense that their's is a
very special relationship and would qualify as being true "soulmates"
are motivated to work at developing and maintaining the best possible
relationship between them and their loves.
Perhaps the bottom line is not which soulmate type you
are as much as how willing you are to identify your approach to a
primary relationship and your determination to work at it on an ongoing
Whatever be your soulmate type, rest assured that there
is someone for everyone. None of us are perfect matches but we can enjoy
a very good match if we determine within ourselves to either find the
right person or truly learn everything we can about the one we are
already with. A good soulmate is someone we knows that we are meant to
love and be loved in return. Finding such a person does not happen too
many times in life. Only those who seek will find.